No One Likes Pineapples
by The Melodrama
Summary: A drunken texting conversation between Alfred and Arthur; underage drinking, mild cursing, blah. First Hetalia fic.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Hetalia, anime, manga, merchandise or seiyuu cast. I do, however, own this plot idea, which was conjured up thanks to what I experienced about two hours ago.

**Warnings:** Drunken convos, teasing, shounen ai, and possible implied yaoi. Do proceed to infer it wherever you wish XD

...XXX….

No One Likes Pineapples

_Artiiiiieeee i wuv chu_

The tea that had once been in Arthur's mouth was now spattered all over the floor, just past the cellphone he had been holding, trying to read the text across the screen.

"The—what!… What the—ugh…. bloody hell!" The short coughing fit was followed by a clearing of the throat. Not believing the message received, he picked the cell up once more to investigate whether or not he had even gotten it; hell, he very well could have imagined the whole thing.

But of course, upon further inspection, he had indeed gotten a text: the words 'love' and 'you' he recognized bleeding through the horrendous grammar—oh, it was from Alfred. No surprise there.

"Well… I might as well send a reply, yeah? Maybe ask what the hell brought this on while I'm at it."

_Yes, well, thank you, I suppose. Out of curiosity, what have I done to warrant this badly worded confession of sorts?_

That should hopefully get an informative answer. Arthur had learned over the years of knowing Alfred that the git could text faster than he could eat; not even ten seconds later a reply flashed across the screen.

_Im am…hello_

Green eyes blinked. "Im am… **what?**" What in the English language… in any language was "Im am" with four consecutive periods following after? One eye proceeded to twitch, while slow fingers had worded out a nasty reply.

His conscience kicked in when he read over the potential reply a second time. "It isn't… it's… I shouldn't be shocked or surprised about this either. And I shouldn't let it bother me, most of all. That's exactly what he wants to happen." He deleted the hurtful words, replacing them with a combination of the more civil variety.

_Yes, hello there. In any case, how are you?_

_Drunk_

That certainly explained it. Well, it was understandable; this was his first semester of college. Of course there would be days when the lad got himself a drink. The question was more along the lines of why bug Arthur, out of all people? Couldn't he have decided to text someone else while hammered?

Although…

The Briton supposed he deserved it, after all those times he had gotten smashed and somehow ended up in a text conversation with Alfred- when the lad had been a high school sophomore, no less.

Heaving a sigh, Arthur reached a hand up to massage his forehead in case an unwanted headache would try to greet him along with the current wave of concern for his underclassman. Where was he? How much had he drunk? Did he have people with him? Could those people be trusted to stay with him and help if the lad threw up or tried to go anywhere? The possibilities were starting to seem virtually endless. But he was currently drunk. He would have to slowly direct the conversation toward those questions, and one at a time. What to ask first…

_Is it a good experience thus far?_

"Really?" Out of the thousands upon thousands of questions that were swimming through his head, he wanted to know first whether or not Alfred was having a good time. "Brilliant, Mr. Double major," he chastised himself whilst keeping eyes glued to the phone screen.

_Mmmmhmmmmm_

As expected, it had successfully brought forth no useful information at all.

_Where exactly are you? Somewhere safe?_

_Dorm_

His hard gaze softened whilst a breath that had unknowingly been held was released.

_Good to hear. Are you with anyone?_

_Friends, Kiku, Mattie, Felix and Ivan._

Oh thank goodness. "Don't scare me like that again… git…" He flopped down on the bed, cellphone, of course, still in hand.

_Hey Artie, ya there_

_Try not to throw up. And be sure to drink some water before you fall asleep. It'll lessen the dehydration when you wake up with a possible hangover._

_I had ligour, not beer._

A roll of the eyes accompanied the smile playing about his lips.

_Any type of alcohol can cause dehydration, love. And what harm can drinking water do? It can only help you._

_No one likes pineapples._

The smile on his face lessened a bit as he began to blink a few times, at a true loss for what to say and how to react. An eruption of laughter escaped him, causing him to roll over, chuckling into the phone he held more closely now, stomach hurting. Within half a minute he had been able to calm down enough to think of how to reply to the prior statement.

_How sad for the pineapples, I imagine._

_But i love melllllon_

_Oh? Which type?_

He stopped before pressing the button to send it when he recalled that the American had accidentally changed the subject.

_By the way, did you drink that water yet?_

….XXX….


End file.
